Christmas Sorrow
by Singe
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Ryo's feeling alone and depressed. He wanders the city, searching for an answer to a question, only to realize that what he's needed has always been right in front of him.


Author's Notes: Well, Writer's Fest was looking for some Christmas stories, and I noticed the lack of Generator Gawl fics. So I figured, what the hell, it's not like I have anything else to do…besides working on my con costumes…but those can be put off for now.

**To the people flaming with D-chan's and Maiden Usagi's names: **Whoever or whomever you are, I would just like to say this to you: you're pathetic. Is it so hard to write a review using your own name, even if it is a flame? Can't you express your reactions without hiding behind someone else? The two authors are pissed and I can tell you one thing, so are a lot of people. Why don't you just stop the harassment, before you dig yourself a deeper hole.

Title: Christmas Sorrow

Chapter: One

Rating: PG

By: Singe

            "Well? What do you think?" Masami asked, glaring at the group of teens sitting at the low table in front of her, daring them to make a negative comment. The three boys looked at each other and then to the plate of various Christmas cookies sitting in front of them. The plate had been placed there a few minutes ago, and none of them had dared to try one yet.

            Ryo, always the one to consider the emotions of others, shot one last glance at Koji and Gawl and then reached out and carefully picked up a gingerbread man. Under Masami's penetrating gaze he took a small bite and chewed slowly.

            "Well?" Masami demanded again.

            "He hasn't started to choke or pass out. I suppose they're safe then." Koji said calmly and reached for the plate.

            "They may be safe, but that doesn't mean they tasted good, right Ryo?" Gawl said loudly and looked, trying to see if Ryo was looking sick. Suddenly, his head snapped forward and slammed into the table. Masami attempted to slap him again, but he was and out of the room before her hand neared his head.

            "You JERK!!" she screamed and began to chase him around the house, breaking various objects, while all the while, Gawl continued to taunt her.

            "I guess some things never change." Ryo said with a sigh.

            "Would you really want them to?" Koji replied, staring blankly out the window.

            "I suppose you're right, as usual."

            "Hn," came the monosyllabic response. Koji was lost to the world, emerged in the deep and dark thoughts of a young man who had experienced more then most people three times his age. The house was silent, except the occasional yell or crash coming from Gawl and Masami in another room of the house. Ryo sighed._'It's Christmas Eve and somehow I have managed to end up alone. Well, not alone, just without human interaction. I need to get out.'_

"Koji, I'm going out. I'll be back soon." Ryo said to his zoned out 'partner' and stood. He grabbed his coat and slipped on his shoes, leaving the house that he had been boarding at for a few months now. Not having a real set destination, he wandered the city, looking for something to do. Not realizing it, he had unconsciously walked to wear the center of the ring tower stood. There he saw the only other people he would see on the street that night; a homeless woman and her small child.

            Having nothing to give them, Ryo offered a small smile and hurriedly walked away, their haunted eyes following him. Those eyes. So much like all of their own, haunted, pained and emptied by the harshness of reality in this world. So much pain. Why did everyone always have to be in so much pain?

            _'This is Gawl's world, his dream, and yet there is still so much sadness. Why? He's the most carefree and happy person I know, so why did he create a place so filled with pain and darkness?'_ Ryo's thoughts continued on this line for some time, his feet unconsciously taking him to a place he hadn't been since that fateful day this place had been created by Gawl.

            Ryo finally emerged from his thoughts and let out a gasp. How had he gotten here and why had he come here? It was the cliff, the cliff where the ending had begun. Where Natsume had killed herself. She had been the catalyst. She had been a teenage girl, manipulated by an evil organization. She had been their mother.

            Ryo was still not used to thinking of her like that, and Koji and Gawl as his brothers. He supposed he never would. He sighed for what he felt was the millionth time that night, and looked up to the stars. _'So much has happened and yet, so little has changed. The war was averted, but for how long? Did you die for no reason, Natsume?'_

"No, Ryo. My death was not meaningless," a female voice seemed to whisper in the wind. Ryo spun around trying to find its owner.

"You cannot see me, for I am all around you. I have no physical body, for when Gawl realized his dream, his heart was with me, and therefore made me a part of this world. I am nothing more then a spirit sustained by your memories."

Understanding dawned in Ryo's eyes and he walked to the edge of the cliff, his eyes returning to the burning lights in the sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, realizing that, indeed, he could not sense her at all.

"Natsume…can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Ryo."

"If this place is Gawl's dream world, his Utopia, why is there still so much suffering? Why didn't he get rid of all the sadness?" as Ryo spoke, snowflakes started to gently float down out of the clear sky, some settling on his blonde hair and dark coat.

"…There is no way to completely destroy sadness. It, like love, is never ending. I think that he understood this, and simply wished to go back to the happiest times that he knew. He had never experienced a world without pain, and could never imagine a world without it. Look at the snow, Ryo. It is much like sorrow; as it falls, it will blanket the ground and everything on it, but in time will melt away, revealing new life. If given time, sorrow will too fade, but will still leave a mark on those who had effected, just like the snow." 

"I think I understand, but why then has…" Ryo began after a pause.

"It does not matter. Just revel in the happiness and peace of today. Go back, Ryo; you were never alone at Masami's house. It's Christmas Eve, be with them instead of on a cliff talking to someone who is no longer in existence. Go home," Natsume's voice said and faded away, the last two words echoing inside of him.

"I think I will go back…I guess it is home." Ryo said, "It's a strange thought that a place like that is where I belong." He glanced once more up at the sky and turned to leave. At the edge of the forest he stopped and turned.

"Merry Christmas, Natsume."

~~@~~

            "Koji, are you sure he said that he'd be back tonight?"

            "Yes, Masami."

            "Well, he's not here, so let's open the presents already!" Gawl demanded loudly ignore the look the other two gave him. So what if Ryo was gone, he wanted to know what his presents were!

            "I suppose we can," Masami said reluctantly and with a last glance out the window sat down near the Christmas tree.

            "WooHoo!" Gawl yelled and dived under the tree, looking for the large box he had been dying to open. A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing the slightly flushed Ryo.

            "Sorry I was gone so long," he said and sat down next to Koji.

            "Ah, it's okay. Wonder Boy," Masami gestured to Gawl, "and Mr. Serious have been keeping themselves occupied." Koji didn't remark at the comment to his nature, and instead slowly opened one of his presents.

            "What were you doing, Masami?" Ryo asked watching as Gawl swam through a sea of wrapping paper.

            "Making some eggnog."

            "Aren't we a little underage?"

            "Oh, don't worry Ryo, there isn't any liquor in the stuff I made. Here," she tossed a present at him, "open this one first. It's from me."

            Ryo smiled and obliged.

~~@~~ 

            Koji let out a small snort as he looked around the room. Gawl was spread out on the floor, taking up as much space as he could, and his presents and wrapping paper building a fort around him. Masami was sleeping peacefully on the couch, a stuffed animal gripped loosely in her hand. Ryo was nowhere to be found.

            He stood, stretched, and headed upstairs to their apartment, planning on changing and combing his long hair. Unknown to him, Ryo watched as he left the room from the outside. The window was slightly misted over, but the occupants were still visible. He turned away from the window and looked out over the city, freshly covered in the snow that had begun last night.

            "Thank you, Natsume. You're right. This is my home; this is where I belong, where we belong." 

            "GAWL!!!!" a scream came from inside. Ryo smiled and shook his head, turning to see what Gawl had done this time.

Originally, I was going to write a humor fic, but somewhere along the line it changed to this. So, let me know what you think. I know it's not the best, but hey, at least I tried.


End file.
